To Whomever Rooster This May Concern.

To Whomever Rooster This May Concern,
This letter is addressed specifically to the Roosters living in the Makakatlala neighborhood of Mochudi, Botswana. I am writing in response to a problem we have been having that has been ongoing and perhaps has not been placed squarely on your radar of neighborhood issues. It is my duty as a resident of Makakatlala to inform that there are roosters creating quite a ruckus during off hours for your specie. I am quite aware that with the new union agreements you have received a raise and that your hours have been adjusted for optimal sleeping/cockadoodledooing shifts but there are some roosters (dare I say more than one) who have been taking advantage of the new schedule and haphazardly cockadoodledoing during hours including but not limited to 1:34 AM, 3:52 AM, and even 9:15 AM (9:15 AM really? This roosters tardiness is embarrassing).

A little strange don't you think? Please correct me if I am wrong but my understanding since I was a small child is that the whole cockadoodledooing was established to announce to the world the sun has risen, a new day is upon us and yes, we must roll out of bed get going. I would just like to point out that the above mentioned hours that I have been hearing the disturbing roosters gone crazy has in no way included the rising sun or the dawning of a fresh day but rather has done nothing but disturb my much-needed sleep of which I am already surviving on the minimum. I have already asked myself, “Why on earth would a rooster crow at 1:34 AM?” I have come up with some hypothesis that can be investigated and prayerfully dealt with at your discretion. You will find my hypothesis and rebuttals below. I appreciate you taking the time to read my complaint and look forward to a speedy remedy to the situation.

Sincerely Your Sleepy Resident,
Jenna Javens


Reasons Why A Rooster Would Cockadoodledoo during off hours:
1.These roosters are idiot roosters and have no concept of the purpose of their cockadoodledooing and therefore should be fired.

2.Said roosters are hoping that by gallivanting all over the neighborhood at unseemly hours will attract the new hens that just moved in down the street. (Guys, your crowing needs some work besides just pertaining to timing. These hens like the strong silent types who still have some mystery left to them. I say ZIP IT.)

3.Perhaps said roosters are trying to represent the various time zones of residents in the area by crowing at the appropriate time that the sun would be rising in the various homelands. (Ahhh, how sweet. Ok, not really at all, knock it off.)

4.There are too many roosters in the neighborhood competing for the first shot at announcing the sunrise. Survival of the fittest means that the lesser roosters must take the 1:34 AM slot as opposed to the ACTUAL sunrise. (I say take some stinkin' turns. Maybe one day you could sleep in and let the others have a try.)

5.After final analysis of the various reasons responsible for this irritating disturbance to my nightly sleep, I find there are no excuses. These rebellious roosters have got to go.