Identity.

Who am I? Who am I becoming? After living for 27 years on the planet, I thought I would have more things figured out. I may not have the answers to these questions, but I know the One who does. I may not be certain of my identity, but I know who is forming and creating it. It is not common for me to be one whose identity gets caught up in a passing trend or shifts like the wind when insecurity comes. However, I find myself wondering if the way that I see myself today is the same way that God sees me.

Through the years, I have found myself wearing a variety of hats with names to apply. As a child, I was “Little Javens,” a not-so beloved title that identified me as the baby sister to my older and much cooler big brothers. I have been a “Babysitter” to the masses, “Nanny” to the rest, “Teacher” or “Miss” to children all over the globe. I have been “Sweet Pea” to my Mum, and “Jen” to my Dad. I have been a “Missionary” to gracious friends who have learned to love Africa, and most recently become a “Pastor.” Each name tells a different story of a season of my life. Some names better reflect who I really am while others I have left behind to move forward into something bigger that God had. At the end of the day, however, when I lay my head on the pillow, who am I?

Don't fear, I have not found myself in the middle of an identity crisis of any kind. In fact, it has been in recent years that I have become quite comfortable being in my own skin. The truth that I know I belong to God has allowed the wrestling with these questions to subside. I suppose the better question is, who do I want to be? If the world must apply a label, what do I want to be know for?

As I sit here and ponder these questions, my spirit percolates and simmers on two main ideas:

The first truth I know is that I must be known as the Beloved of God. I find this name has such power to restore me. While I wouldn't mind others calling me this, in actuality there is only One who can whisper this name in such a way as to settle me. When I forget who I am, or insecurity threatens my certain steps, it is that powerful whisper of, “Beloved,” that transforms me. I remember who I am in God, who I was created to be, and the pressure of this world to be something great fades away. For as His Beloved, I receive the privilege of reciprocating the name. God is and always will be my Beloved as well.
The second truth is found in Psalm 34:5, it says,

“Those who look to Him are Radiant.”

That's it. I want to be known as Radiant. Not because I am pretty, or extremely gifted, not because my friends think I am wonderful or I give my life for God. I want to be radiant because I am consistently found looking to Him. The One who formed me and called me by name. Just like Moses' face radiated because he had met with God, I ache for my life to so radiate the presence of God that it sweetly draws people to Him. Seasons of life may come and go. My name and title may shift here and there. Whether I am 27 or 94, I will be found looking to Him, my Beloved, and soaking up the truth that whoever I am, I am His.